Miscarriage happens often, but it’s barely talked about. This is why I wanted to share my miscarriage story with you. When you read up on miscarriages, it’s a lot more about statistics and facts than about the emotional toll it has on women. The physical pain was the same as an intense period for me but emotionally, it’s so hard to explain what I felt. What I still randomly feel.

I was two days shy of two months when I went for my first prenatal visit. As soon as my doctor saw me, he congratulated me. He knew why I was there and was so genuinely happy for me. We saw the baby right away but as he continued to glide the probe over my belly, there was nothing else. No heartbeat. I don’t think I said anything for a couple of minutes but remember just wanting to get up and go. My doctor was still remaining positive and suggested that I had probably just miscalculated the timing and was earlier in my pregnancy than I believed. I knew it though. Maybe it was mom intuition but in that moment I already knew I was no longer going to have this baby.

I walked out of the doctors office in a state of shock. A week laid out ahead of me of torture and uncertainties because during the rest of the week I would have two separate blood tests done to measure my hormone levels before going back to my doctor to confirm what in my heart I already knew. I called my husband who was home sick with the flu and I just broke down when he cheerfully asked me how it had gone.

Four days later, the day before I was scheduled to follow-up with my doctor, I started miscarrying. I was just numb. I went straight home, called my husband and we silently had lunch together. It was all so weird and surreal.

We have two beautiful children, ages three and two. I am beyond thankful for our family which kind of made me feel selfish whenever I felt sad. This baby though is one that we were already excitedly referencing to in our future. How would they be as a trio? We had already chosen a name if it was a boy. We had future plans that were suddenly taken from us and although I know we will try again, I understand it’s ok to feel beyond blessed with my family today while also feeling a little sad with this loss.

Mourning something you didn’t really have yet is weird. I mean, I never even got to hear his or her heartbeat. The fact that nobody knew yet, somehow made my miscarriage feel like more of a secret. I needed to act normal and make sure I didn’t look sad. Obviously this isn’t what I needed to do, it’s what I was making myself do. Go with the flow. Follow my plans as if nothing had happened. Don't inconvenience anyone.

Doesn’t help that people also incorrectly believe that miscarriages are due to a stressful life event or because a woman lifted something heavy. Miscarriages many times tend to cause double pain. You lose a baby and you gain a sense of guilt and even shame over something that in most cases is totally beyond your control.

Up to 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage before the 12th week. That means that approximately 1 in 5 known pregnancies will end in miscarriage due to chromosomal abnormalities, according to Mayo Clinic. Chromosome problems tend to result from errors that occur by chance as the embryo divides and grows. Nothing to do with problems inherited from the parents.

As with everything in life, we all have different ways of coping with our experiences. Beside talking to my husband; writing this and talking to you via Instagram is what has truly helped me.

If you have ever experienced a miscarriage, I just want you to understand that you are not alone. You can talk to me. Reach out to a friend. Go out with friends for a drink. Curl up in bed and watch a movie. Whatever makes you feel better. Do that.

You may also enjoy: Self-Care Tips For Moms.